A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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