thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
