I have demons in me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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