maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
