This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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