My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
