I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
