The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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