i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
