My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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