Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
