They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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