So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
