Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
