i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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