Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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