do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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