his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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