is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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