I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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