Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize