...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
