here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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