She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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