Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
