I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
