I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've blown a few things in my day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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