Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
