Sponge bath it is.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize