She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the day after is always just damage control
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
