i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
