Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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