Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
