OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
