the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
