If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
