I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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