Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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