youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
