its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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