I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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