My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
