he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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