Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
