I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
