Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
