I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
