So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize