it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
