Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
