I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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