two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
