paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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