i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
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