My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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