i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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