goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
