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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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