"it" just moved
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
