I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
