9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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