I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
