On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
