I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
