arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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