you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
