Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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