is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
