I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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