I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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