If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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