Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
