oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
