Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize