my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
