; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My room smells like vodka and shame
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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