Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
