The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize