Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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