Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
