His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
