watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
