I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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