You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
