Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
as a side note pls kill me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
