I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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