i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
