just tell him i said nine months
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
