dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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