I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
