How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
