I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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