We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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