Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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