there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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