a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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