I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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