so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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