Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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