last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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