im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
