Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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