and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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