u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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